The French aren't rude

I felt rather dejected yesterday as I returned to my hotel after traipsing about Paris for 6 hours. The French were mean to me. One store owner refused to sell me a soda because I didn't have exact change. I got into an argument with a taxi driver, had my train ticket unfavorably altered and was forced to stage a silent protest for 45 minutes at the news stand to resolve my calling-card dispute.

I searched the internet for a solution to save me from future disappointment (it was my first of six days in Paris), and happened upon How to Avoid the So-Called Rude French.

The article suggested speaking French to the French, even if only to ask, "Do you speak English?"

So I typed some polite phrases into the Dictionary.com translator, wrote the French translations on some hotel stationary and visited the hotel concierge, who kindly told me how to pronounce everything.

Armed with my new French phrases and a translation dictionary, I walked back into Paris. I immediately discovered that speaking just a little bit of French to the French turns the French into polite French instead of rude French.

...except for that news stand guy. I want to beat him with a stick, but in order to maintain decorum in France, I can't engage in news vendor beating. Maybe I can pay someone else to do it...

About my company...

We work with open source, so we're used to Heisenbugs. I like the term. We should start using it in support tickets.

"Thank you for your ticket. That is a known Heisenbug. It won't happen again until you least expect it. Solving."

I guess thats kind of funny but kind of not funny at the same time.

You. Be like that. Work is fun.

I sent an email to my brother to share my exasperation about time sheets, and how every time I complete one, I remember Office Space. I suppose I was poking a bit of fun at the perceived importance of the time sheet...ok, maybe they're necessary, but really...35 different time categories?

Anyhow, he had to one-up me and sent a description of his latest professional development course. Copied and pasted, I hope he doesn't mind. He's a pharmacist at an undisclosed location in the general Phoenix area...Here's Kal:

Have you heard of "FISH" philosophy??? It's based off of some fish
market in Seattle . . .
Basically, we all have to go to these brainwashing workshops where they
tell us that we have to be happy and love our jobs.
So we went to this little classroom, and they made us draw pictures of
our
Values:

Respect
Compassion
Collaboration
Excellence
Stewardship
Leadership
Integrity
Education
Accountability
Innovative

Notice that the values aren't exactly grammatically consistent?
Waaaaahahahaha. Innovative??? How bout innovation!!!!
So yeah, I had to pair up with a dude from housekeeping that didn't
speak a friggin word of English, and draw a picture of Stewardship.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
The funniest part of it was that another group had stewardship as well,
and they drew a picture of a stewardess! It was great. Then they said,
"Well, I'm not sure what our job has to do with airplanes, but I guess
it's good . . ."
Then, we watched a short movie about this fish market in seattle. It was
a bunch of high hippies throwing fish around the market having a blazing
wasted fun time.
Then we were told, "You, be like that. Work is fun."
Good times.

Zero Insulin Required

The diabetics had a car wash today at 19th Avenue and Bell Road in Phoenix. It was hot, and we were exhausted. We raised over six hundred dollars for camp.

I had four bottles of Powerade Zero in my bag. It's a new drink with zero carbs; Just what a dehydrated and heat exhausted diabetic needs.

I was feeding Opie a Claritin because he was whining about his sniffles, and I offered him some Powerade Zero as a chaser for the drug.

He liked it, and asked what it was.

"Powerade Zero," I replied. "No carbs!"

Peanut chimed in and said, "I drink Gatorade G2 but it has fourteen carbs per bottle."

"So you have to have to shoot up (take insulin) for G2. But Powerade Zero has ZERO carbs per bottle," I replied.

"Yes," said Opie. "Zero insulin required."

The diabetics swarmed the rest of my Powerades at the car wash today. I should have brought more. Fry's is having a sale, so I compulsively hoarded Powerade Zero this evening.